I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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