i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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