I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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