I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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