You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
