Please, let me fuck your mom
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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