Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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