why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
