UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
