Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
