I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
