There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
