You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I didn't notice because vodka
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
