Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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