its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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