oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
