Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
