I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
