I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
