I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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