when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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