I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
