totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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