we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
