You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
That accounts for only three of the penises
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
