My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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