apparently the secret to your success is patron
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
