Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
