You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
