two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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