It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
