then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
