Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
