guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Is Oprah even human
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
