I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
