Sry I called you an 8
Small penises have feelings too.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
sarcasm needs its own font
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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