So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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