Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
