May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
