He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
