in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
