in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
