dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
