sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
