Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
