I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
