is your mom at the bar?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you will always have a special place in my vag
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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