my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
