i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
