Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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