bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
