I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
