24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
