i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
