No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
