just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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