You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
