Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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