capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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