I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
