How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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