I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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