My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
