Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
