mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
