I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
