he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
