everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
