she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
