I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize