That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
