Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
