I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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